BOSS BIHS ARE NO LONGER OVEREXTENDING THEMSELVES!

Like the great philosopher Beyonce once said… Who run the world…Girls! Shoutout to all my Boss Bihs out here doing the damn thing!

When you are always the “go to person” and the source of most people in your life’s strength, emotional reservoir, and their every other needs. When your energy is the one that many people are co-dependent on, because you are the empath----the nurturing one, the over-giver, the kindhearted one, the charitable/generous one, the unconditional loving one, the reliable & dependable one, the mature one, fixer of everyone’s problems & issues, among other things. Your life becomes more about people overdrawing from you rather than putting in equal deposits. You often find yourself being the airport & transit for everyone’s emotional baggage. We become everything to everyone and nothing to ourselves. Finding yourself in such situations and playing the martyr for others, only leads to your own exhaustion, emotional breakdown, and mental depletion. It becomes easier to adapt coping mechanisms rather than utilizing strategies that allows us to fully invest in our wellbeing.

There comes a time when you have to completely say No, detach, let others fend for themselves, and choose yourself no matter how many feathers that may ruffle. This was the major turning point in my life and has made all the difference. I only concerned myself with people who equally gave, who showed requitted efforts, who were assets and not liabilities, who poured into my cup, who didn’t try to take advantage of my mental health and kind nature, and who prioritized my needs. Anyone who fell short of this regardless of whether they were friends, family, and others, I had no problem exiting them out of my life, I call this radical self-care & self-love.

As I continue to explore my journey by diving into great literature by amazing black wellness authors, I gained tremendous insights and tips from Oludara Adeeyo’s , Self-Care for Black Women: 150 Ways to Radically Accept & Prioritize Your Mind, Body & Soul. The amount of gems she dropped has definitely helped me reimagine what self-love, self-care, and self-development as a black woman should truly look like and feel. In the words of the amazing feminists Sheroe, Audrey Lorde “I had to examine, in my dreams as well as in my immune-function tests, the devastating effects of overextension”. Nothing breaks a woman down then always having to sacrifice and overextend herself to others. This is why self-care as black women is our birth right and legacy. This is the unapologetic and fearless way to sustain and preserve our mind, body, and soul. We must be relentless in protecting this, because when we truly invest in our overall wellbeing, it seamlessly expands to our communities and the world at large.

Now more than ever, we must pour back into ourselves what we so freely give to others!

Xoxo,

@BlckGirlsHealstoo