CURBING THE “ANGRY BLACK WOMAN” TROPE IN THE WORKPLACE

I’m known for my bubbly and jovial personality; many refer to me as a “happy go lucky gal”. While I am the type of gal who always tries to find the silver lining in any situation life throws my way, I do have my moments where even the most optimistic and nonconfrontational girl has to speak up and confidently defend her stands. I’m sure my sistas can feel me on this one.

As a professional black woman, in the many instances when microaggression and repackaged racism has been thrown my way, I have been expected to remain cool, calm, and collected as many black women are expected to do in the workforce. Any attempt to straddle the fence between “anger” and “assertiveness”, we risked being labeled the “angry black woman” trope.

God forbid a black woman stands up for herself when she is deliberately being disrespected and undermined, she’s not afforded the same grace as her white counterparts to experience the full gambits of her emotions. This intentionality around misinterpreting a black woman’s “assertiveness” for “aggressiveness” or “hostility” is a stereotypical ignorance that stems from past generations to undermine the validity of our emotions and experiences. Throughout history, we have seen this stereotype amplify in books, movies, theater, etc. This pervasive stereotype has also infiltrated American work culture, which continues to create more challenges and barriers for black women in recognizing our full potential and shaping our professional experiences.

Being straightforward as a black woman is frowned upon especially when it comes in contact with white fragility. This unfair treatment that black women have to be considerate of other people’s emotions when expressing ourselves while the same isn’t afforded to us is blatantly hypocritical. The policing of black women’s emotions and expressions has only created more demeaning harm than good to our confidence and self-esteem within the workspace. Companies also stand to lose out significantly when black women within their organizations are stifled from expressing themselves.

Anger is a natural human emotion; everyone expresses it in varied ways. What makes this an ignorant stereotype for black women is that “anger” is seen as part of our personality rather than looking at it from a situational perspective. Meaning, this isn’t a personality flaw, rather we are put in certain situations that may incite an “angry” reaction from us just like any other human being, race, culture, ethnicity, nationality, religion, and gender would. Characterizing black women as angry is intellectually dishonest.

Instead of employers jumping to these detrimental assumptions, perhaps a call for action would be combatting and challenging this stereotype within their establishment. More listening, learning, and reflection is needed from companies and employers. Their acknowledgment that this problem does exist instead of turning a blind eye in recognizing their own biases is the first step to jumpstart intentional and inclusive actions to curb these discriminatory practices that continues to plaque black women’s professional experiences.

A LITTLE BIT OF SELF LOVE GOES A LONG WAY

To experience true love, you must first have self-love! Falling in love with your essence, your skin, your features, texture, and all the amazing things that make you unique, should always be honored and applauded by you. At the same time, never being afraid to embrace and accept all

your imperfections and every flaw that you possess is also a form of self-love.

Historically, as black women, our very existence have often been dehumanized and conditioned to accept that western features are the standards of beauty. The closer your skin hue is to whiteness the more desirable you are. Colorism continues to plague our communities, which creates a divide between black women. This superficial superiority complex that perpetuates that “lighter hues” is more aesthetically attractive than “black and brown” hues only create exclusion that hinders the confidence and self-image of black women. It reinforces our unworthiness in society and strips us of our humanity.

I remember as a kid learning about the “Clark doll test” which observes the biases and racial perceptions among children during the height of segregation. That test was quite profound in how children associate positive attributes to “white skin” and negative attributes with “black skin”. This was an eye-opening moment that reaffirmed how racism and colorism is taught at a young age, to the point where even babies knew who was valued more in society.

The intentionality of practicing self-love in such a radical manner is truly an act of war. We teach society and others how to treat us simply by how we treat and love ourselves. By adapting habits that enable us to be gentle with ourselves, to reaffirm our own standards, and accept our diversity, we unintentionally give others permission for them to love themselves and step into their confidence as well. In recent years, the resurgent of black women loving their natural hair textures and amplifying the “black girls magic” wave has become inspiring and empowering to us all.

As a biracial black woman, the older I get the more I accept my imperfections because it means I’m human. I’ve learned to appreciate my flaws, acknowledge my differences, and give myself grace on my own self-love journey. For me the true act of self-love has been being kinder to myself and giving myself the unconditional love that I often give those I care about.

My wish for all my sistas is to continue counteracting the negative notions and stereotypes that exist against black women. Being comfortable in exploring and appreciating our many facets, embracing our authenticity, and flexing our badass auras!

SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH OTHERS AND YOURSELF

As black women it’s no secret that we are expected to be the pillars of our communities and families. Many expect us to show up for them, do more for them, accept unrequited treatments, and selflessly sacrifice our lives to ensure the happiness and wellbeing of others is in intact. Everyone expects a black woman to save them, while others make it their mission to disregard our existence, pain, and happiness. Additionally, in the workforce, we face many situations of tokenism, microaggression, and unconscious biases. No amount of accolades, accomplishments, and impressive resumes can ever shield us against overt discrimination. Our workload increases without appreciation and acknowledgement from the higher ups and at times colleagues, and in such instances, we find ourselves straddling the fence between wanting to establish firm boundaries to avoid burnout and making sure we don’t lose the ability to sustain our livelihoods.

Nneka Okona explains it even better:

“Setting boundaries is a method of informing those around you how to treat you, how to care for you, how to interact with you in a way that is nurturing, fulfilling, and makes you feel safe. It isn’t about forming a tight fence around your inner being. It is about ensuring you feel free enough to be yourself, in totality, with those you bond with, and interactions are healthy, reciprocal, and beneficial. And also, that your values are acknowledged, honored and respected.”

More than ever, boundaries need to be set to maintain our peace of mind, healthy functional relationships, and self-worth. Here are some of the ways, our boundaries can be strengthened and implemented:

1. Identify and set your boundaries: The first step to attaining this is through self-awareness. This enables us to be very clear and concise on our expectations for ourselves and with others. Self-awareness also helps us tease out what we can tolerate and what we wouldn’t, what we can compromise on, and what we can’t, as well as how assertive and precise we need to be.

2. Communicate your boundaries to others: once you have your key boundaries identified and set, make sure others are also aware of those boundaries. Be firm, assertive, and straightforward when communicating. To ensure success around this, do not ever compromise on your boundaries, waver, nor negotiate with anyone.

3. Make sure your self-care comes first: successful boundaries include prioritizing your self-care, self-love, self-respect, and self-worth. Doing this will enable you to protect your peace, remove anyone who isn’t good for your wellbeing, mental health, and emotional wellbeing. Make sure your self-care process and actions will help you feel more centered and grounded.

4. Set firm consequences when others intentionally test, cross, and or disrespect your boundaries: learn to cut people off the first time they try you or cross your boundaries. People are fully aware of their ill will and disrespectful actions towards you. Many times, it’s done intentional to see how much of your boundaries you would allow them to cross and what they can actually get away with. Your responsibility in scenarios like this, is to let them know you are not the one to ever be played with or tried by setting firm consequences and accountability measures. Never allow anyone to feel comfortable using any actions of emotional manipulations, abusive tactics, reverse psychology, toxicity, narcissism, and unhealthy approaches when dealing and interacting with you. The age old saying “when people show you who they are believe them” rings true in these types of scenarios. Never second guess your boundaries, people who truly respect, care for, and value you, will never do things to cause you harm, disrespect, and hurt. Most importantly, they will never put themselves in a position to lose you out of their lives due to their own actions of not adhering to your boundaries. Maintain your boundaries and do not lower it to accommodate violators. Always remember this!